I woke up and spent the longest time underneath the covers, just grasping my hip bone, the skinniest part of me, working up the courage to face another day. As soon as I got up, dad started yelling, and everyone was tense because my brother was leaving, and I felt like a failure, like I was in the way, so I got a cup of coffee and went back to my room and stayed there for hours. Then it was time for my brother to leave, so I went downstairs and kept my mask on, faked a smile, said goodbye, made it easy on him. More coffee, and back to my room again. It's snowing, and I wish it would stop. Today fucking sucks, and I hate everything.
I'm trying to remain positive, to think about how Josie's coming home in four days and I'm getting my hair dip-dyed and good things, but it's hard.
This is exactly what I needed.
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