056; "Without you, I am nothing."

I need to be strong. I need to be okay with being alone. I need to be able to face myself. I need to be able to look in the mirror and not flinch at the sight of my reflection. I need to be the best I can be, all I can be. I've been restricting myself for weeks now, and today I ate so much, too much, and my body feels heavy and I feel sick, I want to purge, but I won't. I won't. You are better than this. For anyone else, it would've been a normal meal. It is not the end of the world. I'm afraid to weigh myself. I am afraid to look in the mirror. You are not fat. I hate my body. I hate myself. Think positive. No.

No. I am going to go to bed, and in the morning I will wake up early, and begin a new day. I will take a walk, have some coffee and cigarettes, maybe draw or write, talk to my friends, and feel as though anything is possible. I will look at myself in the mirror for five minutes without judging myself. I will not be afraid. I will be strong.