021; A coma would be nice.

I'm in a slight frenzy; I've gone through so many moods today. Mostly depressed, but also sudden surges of creativity, bouts of hopelessness, paranoia, extreme exhaustion, then the need to do something productive (and actually doing it--and I did, I framed and hung my Amélie poster), a zombie-like state where I showered, ate and watched TV, and finally anxiety. Now I can't calm down, even though I've taken my meds and they should be kicking in. All I want to do is curl up in the sofa with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and a good film. But, I'm just going to get ready for bed, take a shot of Bailey's, smoke a cigarette, read some Siken, and try to sleep.

I don't know why, but I felt the urgent need to blog.

008; I'm tangled up again...

I'm back to not being able to keep my food down; I thought I was past this. I just can't stomach it. I felt sick all night and then I finally threw up.. After a while, I came out and my brother told me I looked like Marion Silver.

Oh, and yes, my brothers came home today. It's nice to have some company, although Sindri is just staying for the night.

Now, I'm going to bed. I have a massive headache and my throat hurts.

006; I'm going back to the start..

I'm anxious about tomorrow; I have to go back to class* and I'm unsure of what to do because I don't have a meeting with the employment agency (who are in control of these things) until mid-January. They will probably kick me off the course (if they haven't already) because I've missed too much, and I'm completely fine with that because I don't want to do anything. The only thing I have left is work practice and I don't have a placement.

Psychiatric never calls me back and they were supposed to. I'm right back where I started, the same place I was a year ago.

And what with Christmas coming up I'm even more stressed.

And all I want to do is eat and sleep..

Songs I've been listening to a lot lately:
† Song From the Sixteenth Floor by Paul Kelly
† Turbine Womb by Soap&Skin
† Chocolates & Cigarettes by Angus & Julia Stone
† Between the Bars by Elliott Smith
† Sullen Girl by Fiona Apple

*Trade & catering program full of lectures, group discussions, different areas of the business, and for me (since I'm the only one taking catering); mannerisms, practical studies (for example, how to set a table), theory of catering, as well as work practice.