Two nosebleeds, a hospital, and lots of Tom Waits.
The taste of blood makes me hungry (but I can't keep anything down.)
Showing posts with label wants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wants. Show all posts
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
043; I'm not the best thing for you.
Two nosebleeds, a hospital, and lots of Tom Waits.
The taste of blood makes me hungry (but I can't keep anything down.)
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
040; A promise of a new year.
“I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non-feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and think: to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love.”
—Sylvia Plath
It's a new year and I am not going to fool myself into thinking it's a fresh start because nothing ever is, because the past will always still be there, and there is nothing you can do about it. This past year was a year of self-discovery, of broken glass, of strength, of hopelessness, of dreams, of escape. There were more bad days than good, but without the darkness the light wouldn't have been nearly as bright. I travelled, I met new people and saw new places, and though I always returned, I went somewhere. It might not be much, but it was enough then.
There was a moment when I was in Camden, London and I was sitting down with a couple of friends when this beautiful stranger walked past and I was captivated; I couldn't look away. The stranger noticed, smiled and blew me a kiss, and for a moment, everything was beautiful. It wasn't love or lust or anything; I was just completely floored by the radiance of this person. It felt like I could see their heart glowing. I keep this moment in a box that stays in my secret drawer; a wooden box carved with flowers and words, a box meant only to contain the brightest of things. So far, it doesn't contain much. (Another thing I keep in it is the way I light up whenever he calls me 'jerk'.)
But this I take with me from two-thousand and eleven; that strangers are beautiful, that you should cherish fleeting moments and try not to hold on too long, that if a person makes you smile they are worth keeping around, that it's okay to make mistakes, that it might not be your year but that doesn't mean it's all bad, and that you have to learn to accept yourself, and not try to be someone you're not. Be true to yourself. Trust your heart, and never give up hope.
List of desires:
† Be more myself, and to be okay with that.
† To be open, to show myself vulnerable, to let new light in.
† To lose weight and work out.
† To be happy with myself, if I can.
† A pair of Doc Martens.
† To hang out (and go to Gothenburg) with Layla.
† To dye my hair lilac.
† To read new books, see new places and make new friends.
† To do something, even if it's not much.
† To exist in the best terms I can.
† To dream, to hope, to let go.
† To be in his arms.
(It was also the end of an era.)
—Sylvia Plath
It's a new year and I am not going to fool myself into thinking it's a fresh start because nothing ever is, because the past will always still be there, and there is nothing you can do about it. This past year was a year of self-discovery, of broken glass, of strength, of hopelessness, of dreams, of escape. There were more bad days than good, but without the darkness the light wouldn't have been nearly as bright. I travelled, I met new people and saw new places, and though I always returned, I went somewhere. It might not be much, but it was enough then.
There was a moment when I was in Camden, London and I was sitting down with a couple of friends when this beautiful stranger walked past and I was captivated; I couldn't look away. The stranger noticed, smiled and blew me a kiss, and for a moment, everything was beautiful. It wasn't love or lust or anything; I was just completely floored by the radiance of this person. It felt like I could see their heart glowing. I keep this moment in a box that stays in my secret drawer; a wooden box carved with flowers and words, a box meant only to contain the brightest of things. So far, it doesn't contain much. (Another thing I keep in it is the way I light up whenever he calls me 'jerk'.)
But this I take with me from two-thousand and eleven; that strangers are beautiful, that you should cherish fleeting moments and try not to hold on too long, that if a person makes you smile they are worth keeping around, that it's okay to make mistakes, that it might not be your year but that doesn't mean it's all bad, and that you have to learn to accept yourself, and not try to be someone you're not. Be true to yourself. Trust your heart, and never give up hope.
List of desires:
† Be more myself, and to be okay with that.
† To be open, to show myself vulnerable, to let new light in.
† To lose weight and work out.
† To be happy with myself, if I can.
† A pair of Doc Martens.
† To hang out (and go to Gothenburg) with Layla.
† To dye my hair lilac.
† To read new books, see new places and make new friends.
† To do something, even if it's not much.
† To exist in the best terms I can.
† To dream, to hope, to let go.
† To be in his arms.
(It was also the end of an era.)
Monday, 7 February 2011
024; you were always singing along..
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind.
I wish I could just sleep. I love that moment when you wake up and the bed is so cozy and the sun is shining in through the blinds and for a second, your troubles are gone, then you fall blissfully back asleep.
When I wake up again, it would be spring.
Songs I've been listening to a lot lately:
† Wintering by Laura Gibson
† My Head Never Sleeps by Lovers
† Cold White Sheets/Empty Bed by Sea Oleena
† Your Rocky Spine by Great Lake Swimmers
† Fake Empire by The National
Saturday, 15 January 2011
018; Home, let me go home..
Oh, and I got my Wildfox sweater this week! It's the softest, coziest hoodie I've ever worn. Totally worth it.
I also ordered some books that I should be getting sometime next week.. Including a book on dream interpretation. Excited :)
And, an Amélie poster that I'm gonna frame and hang above my bed!
Today we made homemade lasagna and I'm so hungry I could die. Wish it was ready sooner! Lasagna is the best.
Songs I've been listening to a lot lately:
† Devil's Waitin' by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
† Close Every Valve to Your Bleeding Heart by Ha Ha Tonka
† Not Your Year by The Weepies
† Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
† Breathe Me by Sia
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
014; Things I want.
† A bigger gap between my thighs.
†
† A pair of Doc Martens.
†
† A rosary cross necklace.
†
† A pink laptop.
† To learn French fluently.
† For winter to end.
† A black knit sweater.
†
† My own apartment.
† A pack of Gauloises blondes.
† A friend to take pictures of.
† Strength and motivation.
I would also really like this:
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