All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made
I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing and not wanting to
Yeah, there are some things you can't fake
Well, I guess that it's typical
To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago
Or a friend that you used to know
And there below his frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date
And you can't believe that he's really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song
And I'm sorry about the phone call and waking you
I know that it is late
But thank you for talking, because I needed to
Some things just can't wait...
I'm tired; of the past I can't leave behind, of all this back and forth, of the way you act, of how you make me feel, of my insecurities and my sudden mood swings (one day I'm afraid I'll give myself whiplash.) All I want is to lay in your arms, your body surrounding me--a safe haven, somewhere to rest, and for you to whisper in my ear that you care, you care and you love me, that you won't let anything harm me (not even myself), that I need to stay with you or you'll die, that I'm too good for this, that you want to keep me safe. Keep me in your arms, and in your heart.
If I could have this, then maybe nothing else would matter. Maybe the self-hatred would simply fall away, fall off the edge of the world, like the sun beyond the horizon. Maybe you could heal these scars with your fingers and lips. Maybe your embrace would keep my nightmares away. Maybe your voice could still my demons. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
(Maybe I'll never stop hating myself for feeling this way.)
Two nosebleeds, a hospital, and lots of Tom Waits.
The taste of blood makes me hungry (but I can't keep anything down.)
Today I woke up and the sky was coloured dust and peach. Winter is all around, and inside of me. I grabbed my cigarettes and made myself a cup of tea and went back to bed to read poetry and listen to City & Colour.
Another mix for you.
Five things you will find if you open my bag:
1. Pack of cigarettes + lighter.
2. Ipod.
3. A book or two.
4. Wallet.
5. A pair of glasses.
Five things in my bedroom:
1. Books, books, books.
2.
Pill boxes (I collect them.)
3. Clothes everywhere.
4. Bottled things.
5. Crystals and minerals.
Five things I want to do in my life:
1. Have the 'perfect' body.
2. Travel, see the US.
3. Meet all my best friends.
4. Be economically independent.
5. Write a book, or direct a film.
Five things that make me very happy:
1. Reading a good book (The Secret Garden, amongst others).
2. Drinking good wine with good friends.
3. Talking to my sisters.
4. Films and music.
5. Chocolate.
Five things I’m currently into:
1. The Sims Social (God help me.)
2. Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel.
3. The Chronicles of Narnia.
4. Blogspot and tumblr.
5. My bed.
Five things on my to-do list:
1. Get out of bed.
2. Get out of bed.
3. Clean my room.
4. Lose weight.
5. Buy christmas presents?
Five things some people may or may not know about you:
1. I'm asexual.
2. My favourite band is Led Zeppelin and I've named my favourite pair of boots after Robert Plant and Jimmy Page (They're called Plant and Page.)
3. Stephanie Says is my theme song.
4. I love cashew nuts.
5. Christmas is the worst time of my year.
