You write "there's 'her' and then there's everyone else", and it brings tears to my eyes, makes me nauseous, and my heart flutters. And I think, why? Why do you get to me when no one else does? Why do I even think you're referring to me? WHY? It makes me sick, and I wish this would just stop, I hate you but I love you but I hate you but I love you but I hate you but I need you. You drive me fucking insane, and I hate that you're right, that you will always be right, and I am still your hostage, always will be, can never escape these chains. You came back, and I left. I ditched you because I can't handle rejection, I can't handle these feelings, I can't handle shit. It scares me to fucking death. I left you, and still I feel like you gave up on me. Everything is a contradiction, and I can't make heads or tails of anything.
"But you still feel me like I'm right there at your side."
You told me I was the most difficult woman you ever met.
Fuck.
I can completely relate to this, it is one of the most devastating feeling that sits in the bottom of your heart, and pulls your stomach around itself for protection. The constant craving for something that seems so vital to your being, just out of reach, teasing you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through this love,
be brave together,
xoxo