Monday, 13 February 2012
I don't even know what to do. I feel sick with myself. I ate and then I felt guilty, and because I felt guilty I binged, and then I purged, and then mother's baked fucking cake and it's chocolate, and I lost control and ate several slices, and then I felt even worse and I'm still fighting the urge to purge. Then I started crying, and I haven't stopped. I hate myself so much.
My birthday is in two days and I am utterly terrified. I hate birthdays, I hate celebrating them, and then of course there's the part where I get my favourite food/cake and I can't refuse; I just can't. They know how much I love food and it'd raise their suspicion. It's just all too much. I just wanna bury myself beneath the covers and sleep for months. I just want to not be me for a while.