Tuesday, 20 December 2011
028; Will we get out of this little hell?
There's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me.
I wish my moods wouldn't rise and fall so quickly; my world turns from pleasant to black in the matter of seconds. Like Jenny Lewis sings, The lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap. And all I can see is darkness. An infinite, starless night. And I wish to god I could tell him, I do, but I.. I can think of a hundred reasons not to. "He's busy" or "he'll get worried" or "I'd be bothering him". He says he accepts me, flaws and all, but there's only so much he can take. I flip so easily. I turn on myself. I fall. And everything hurts, and there's nothing anyone can do to make it better. I fall, and then I dig myself deeper and deeper, and I feel like maybe one of these days I'll fall out of a hole at the opposite corner of the world. And there's nothing I can do about it.
(And then Dallas sings that the blackness in my heart is a storm I can weather, and I curl up underneath my blankets, and cry myself to sleep.)
Songs I've been listening to a lot lately:
† Little Hell by City & Colour
† Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones
† Wasted by Angus & Julia Stone
† Li'l Red Riding Hood by Amanda Seyfried
† You Will Miss Me When I Burn by Palace Brothers