013; Ghosts in the air I breathe..

For the last couple of nights, I've had this really odd feeling that I couldn't explain, but today I realized; I don't want to go to bed because I feel I might die if I do. My sleep has been almost frightening lately, I have a hard time getting to sleep (only the sound of his voice will eventually lull me to sleep), during the night I frequently wake up due to weird dreams, but in the morning it's as if I'm dead, or in a coma--nothing, not my alarm, mother, snow truck, nothing can wake me up. Some time after 1pm I usually come out of it, and always with a headache. The only thing I remember from my dreams are feelings of anxiety and unease.

I can't quite shake the feeling.

I would like to sleep, it's just that I'm afraid to. For whatever reason.

And I've been noticing more and more how I am always clenching my teeth. I've tried to stop, but I do it unconsciously.

These scars of mine are more than skin-deep
And there are ghosts in the air I breathe
And these ghosts will haunt your dreams
They'll taunt you in your sleep, saying,
"Oh, we know about the love you lost and need,
Hope's become a dirty secret you keep"
And you're always the dreamer, never the dream

011; Dream interpretation II.

Mental Institute
To dream that you are in a mental institution, indicates a need for rest and a need to reset your mind. Don't be afraid to ask for help/assistance when you need it.
To dream that you are outside a mental institution, suggests that you are feeling ostracized or shunned. You may be close to a mental breakdown. Or you are feeling left out, excluded, and ignored.

Mother
To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. Some people may have problems freeing themselves from their mothers and are thus seeking their own individuality and development.

Office
If the office in your dream is unfamiliar or strange, then it suggests that you are comparing yourself to someone else. You are measuring yourself against other's standards.

Staircase
To see a staircase in your dream, symbolizes change and transformation.

Message
To dream that you are receiving a message, represents a message from your unconscious.

--

In my dream, "SUZIE Q" was written on a wall.
I find it kind of odd that that's a street name for a drug used to treat schizophrenia, bipolar/depression, as well as insomnia and anxiety.

010; Echoes, silence, patience & grace.

I can recall two deers in my dream, guiding me I think, they're taking me through a forest filled with red berries, but maybe they're fooling me; it was something I read, that it "represents vulnerability and naivety, and as a result, others may take advantage of you and your gullibility", and I'm not quite sure but I lay down in the roots of a tree and it feels safe, then everything goes black, or maybe I wake up.

Another dream is just a blur of a darkened house (it's mine, but it's different) and the overwhelming feeling that something is wrong, I get anxious and scared, maybe I'm being chased, or there's a murderer in the house, or my mother is possessed, and everything is dark.. These kind of dreams happen frequently.

005; Dream interpretation I.

Maze
To dream that you are in a maze, denotes that you need to deal with a waking task on a more direct level. You are making the situation harder than it really is. Alternatively, the maze symbolizes life's twists and turns. It represents indecision, confusion, missteps, feeling lost or being misled.

Lost
To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

Drowning
To dream that you are drowning, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions. Repressed issues may be coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts. You should proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If you survive the drowning, then it means that a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil.

Suffocating
To dream that you are suffocating, signifies that you are feeling smothered or oppressed by some situation or relationship. Something or someone is holding you back. You are experiencing a lot of stress and tension.

Glass House
To see a glass house in your dream, suggests that you need to be cautious about what people are telling you. They may be telling you what you want to hear, and not necessarily what you need to hear.

002; I'd rather be sleeping...

I've been feeling very low.. Today I couldn't even get out of bed. I have dreamed about death tonight; there's a faint recollection of someone suffocating me, and I woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air, after which I fell asleep again, and then dreamed I was drowning in a pool of azure water, like the water was tugging me down but I pushed myself out. Someone wrapped a towel around me and there were people I didn't know but they cared. Then I was lost in the maze of a building.

Songs I've been listening to a lot lately:

† Heavy Water/I'd Rather Be Sleeping by Grouper

† Silvia by Marissa Nadler

† Colorblind by Counting Crows

† Brother of Sleep by Soap&Skin

† The First Law of Thermodynamics by Lovers